What. A. Rollercoaster. Let me start off by easing your stress because I have had so many kind souls reach out and pray over our situation…
PRAISE GOD! We had a full scan at the hospital this morning and our son is perfectly healthy!!! Great brain, great spine, closed spine, great heart, ten toes, ten fingers and straight feet!!!
Now that is settled, I’ll back this up and explain what the heck just happened!!!! I saw my OB in Houston for the 16 week check up and besides a quick blood draw and heart beat check, we were out in 15 min. We didn’t even have an ultrasound. While we were on a quick work scouting trip yesterday, I received a phone call from them stating they had results that I had tested positive for a neural tube defect and were ordering a stat ultrasound with a MFM specialist. Heart dropped. What does that mean? When will they call? Does this mean he’s defected for sure? I was then told it’s “rare” for it be positive test and things be completely normal but a “small” possibility it was just a fluke based on his development stage and where I stood to birth date. Tells me to wait for them to call. And hangs up.
I’m standing outside a coffee shop due to poor cell service, already kicked out of our hotel, while Austin is on a site visit hours away. I gather my belongings and run to my car shaking, bawling, and thoughts running. After crying uncontrollably with grief, I picked up the phone to call my mom and a lady knocks on my window. My guardian angel. She looked at me and said I don’t know what is going on or if you believe in God but I’d like to pray with you and tell you he is sooo faithful and it is going to be ok. I explained the situation in half murmured English and snot and she reached through my window, hugged me and starting praying. It’s a moment I’ll never forget. To actually feel God’s grace wrapped around me through a complete stranger. A moment that reminded me don’t call people first, pray first. Turn to God first. She told me if we move there to call her and invited me to her church group.
I decided I couldnt break this news to Austin over the phone and make him drive with a stranger back 2 hours while thoughts scrambled in his head, so I had to wait until he was back. After the few phone calls made to my important prayer warriors, we decided to believe he was already healed. That this was the “rare” chance and “small” possibility. But… that thought of “what if” stayed in my chest. I knew just as we handled the previous trials that I had to keep an open heart for God’s plan. Not just that we want a healthy boy. What blessings handicap children are as well!! I can’t possibly just see my own desires in this situation.
Then I open google, knowing what it will show from the words searched… “neural tube defects”. Spina bifida. Brain delays. Paraplegic. Surgery in womb. Pictures of it all. All the chances of so much. I was supposed to meet with a realtor shortly to check out houses incase this city became our future home. I canceled that, figuring we will handle that later and sat in my car for the next two hours waiting for Austin not knowing where else to go. I couldn’t get cell service anywhere inside buildings and knew I didn’t want to miss the specialist calling so I stayed put. I ended up walking around hobby lobby next (basically just for a potty break) but actually calmed more listening to the soothing Christian music and checking out all the Bible scriptures written on various objects holding as close as possible to it. I realized God wanted me to crave him today, not Austin, not Houston, not my family, not good results, just be with him. He had it all planned out how this happened. I thought about going into a church or calling my new angel friend Pam but was too exhausted to talk to anyone at the moment. My friend Carrie had told me to go give this day to the Lord not to your doubtful thoughts. At first I didn’t understand how thats possible after hearing this possibility but after some prayer it seemed the only thing that felt right and then to end up in a Christian based store is where I was led. So, I walked around for the next hour and a half praying and worshiping Him… in hobby lobby.
Telling Austin when the time finally arrived were some of the hardest words I’ve ever said but being the amazing husband he is, all he could do was think about me going through that alone and was just so thankful for angel Pam.
I’ll skip some details ahead to say we flew home to Houston shortly after and the specialist still hasn’t called but due to a dear friend who has followed our journey closely and a few other crazy “God things” we had a full anatomy scan this morning of our baby boy. My friend that scanned us, prayed over us before we started and boldly took on the chance of potentially having to share some tragic news with us knowing our past. But our boy was already healed, just as we said. We had NO IDEA what we were gonna see and had to prepare ourselves for any extent of the defects. We will still see a specialist once they finally call but can rest knowing the big things seem FINE!
One crazy thing after another and all this after a morning when I had texted my sister in law and close friend about how much emotional anxiety I had for what seemed to be no reason asking if it’s normal pregnancy. Had I sensed this news? We’re fully aware of false positives. We’re fully aware of blood screenings verses diagnoses. We’re fully aware of “just making sure”. We’re fully aware of the nurse just doing her job and not giving us false hope….we’re fully aware of it all. Austin and I BOTH said afterwards, we were most scared because we felt it was a challenge God COULD ACTUALLY boldly hand to us to have some sort of life complication with this child. How can we pray against that? To hear Austin say something that was on my heart so boldly makes me tear up. To think about that angel dressed in his room theme come up to me at that moment of grief to boldly pray with me makes me tear up. To think of Baby Mays running around our house some day fully healthy makes me tear up. To think of other moms not getting the same good news on their scans makes me tear up. To think of my friend having to give that news to other moms makes me tear up. I pray over all these things and am resting in complete thanksgiving all day and ask that you do too. I’m not sure if I need to sleep now or run a marathon but feel like both.
We’re overwhelmed by the support, prayers and love you all have continued to show us and this sweet boy and we don’t take any of that for granted. WHAT A STORY HE HAS! My next thought was, I sure hope it’s easier from here on out, but how can I pray for such a thing when these blessings and ripples through other people are so abundant!? Isn’t that our point here on Earth?
I want to take a second to turn and pray for you and glorify God even more in this through more than just our life. With so many people praying and putting their attention to God through our son I hope his life can continue to do more than just that. I hope he can help YOUR life have blessings today as well. I pray that you can turn inward to your day, whatever negativity you may have today and give it to the Lord. Fill your heart with love from him, by him and love your neighbor just as you have selflessly loved us and our son. If you have ANYTHING I can pray over for you, please reach out. We are more than willing to spend time on you too and want to be able to give back. We want to share this blessing with you. Amen.